Judgey Wudgey was a Bear

So here it goes. My first post here on my blog. I have always wanted to do a blog but I always found myself starting and never really getting anywhere and having nothing to talk about...but really it came down to how much I really wanted people to know about my life. Let's face it, we all judge. Whenever somebody does something that we ourselves wouldn't do, we judge, it is just in our nature. In knowing this, I should just be able to say whatever and move on, but I find it hard to start a blog because I know someone is judging me on the fact that I feel the need to do a blog. I always worry about what someone is going to think. Even people I don't know and have no idea what they are thinking, I just care so much, I don't want them to think ill of me.

For instance, while out and about with my daughter, it drives me crazy when she throws a tantrum. Yes, it happens and most other mamas or dadas are really feeling sorry for you but, you know you have been there some point in your life (mostly before you had kids) where someone's child is throwing a tantrum and the parent just sits there and doesn't do anything and you think...why aren't they doing something...I now know why...sometimes after the umbtenth time the child has thrown a tantrum, you shut down. You give up yelling because all it does is cause more issues. So...while my adorable curly top is throwing a tantrum, I at first just let her start her little tantrum and do and say nothing, but then I realize that there may be someone around watching me and thinking, "what a bad mom why isn't she doing anything," and then I start telling her to stop, which to my stubborn (takes after me)curly top means cry more and then it just gets that much harder to make her stop. See, I cared more about a stranger who knows nothing about me, then just doing what I needed to do to make my daughter learn and stop...and usually no one has to say or even look at me and I am thinking there are people judging me...I know, I know just let it go...easier said then done.

This I have found is the ROOT of all my Looney Mama issues. Caring too much about what other people think, known or unknown. It is something that I have tried to work on myself for a long time to no avail; however, today I had a small epiphany. I realized that maybe a really great (free) therapy might be to let my looney mama thoughts out to the world, see if anyone listens...just put it all out there...maybe this is my way to start to let go of all my insecurities and start to just enjoy and do, instead of worry, worry, worry.

I know there are people who think that blogs are silly and why do you have to let the world know all about you. To some they like to keep it all in and don't like everyone to know their business and I get that, hence why I always start but never continue with these blogs...the fear of telling too much...now don't think you are gonna know every deep dark secret, but there are many thoughts in my head. Especially when it comes to being a mom, and I find myself searching the internet for other mothers with the same issues...hence why I decided to try this out.

I think a lot of my "everyone is judging me" issues come from so many sources and not just media, although they are a prime culprit. Do you ever feel when you watch something on TV about a lifestyle, you can feel as though because you don't live that way, you are wrong. I know we are all meant to live the life we are meant to live but come on, when someone is making it such a big deal that they "don't watch TV" as though they are above it. It can be hard not to feel as though they are looking down on you because you like to watch or DVR your favorite shows. And when they have a TV show (irony) or a segment on the news about how said TV is so bad for you and here are the bad things, I can't help but feel like, "wow I suck." Now TV might not be the best example of what I am trying to get across, but it was the first thing I could think of, and I am no professional writer here, so go with it.

Of course the fear of judging steams from High School too, and with that I quote that awesome show Glee from tonight "all of us are scarred from high school, next to our parents, nothing screws us up more!" How True Shew, How True! We have all been there...even those that did the judging were judged themselves. I know because I am pretty sure I was on the giving and receiving of many a judgement. I don't really need to get into it because I am sure everyone understands what I am saying. And while for the most part I can get over most of those type of judging fears of the HS kind, there is still that little nagging voice in your head that makes you take off the shirt you are wearing because it might make you look a little fat...you know what I am saying ladies!

All my posts, I hope, won't be my craziness mama issues. I hope to share those happy mama moments, we all have them, but let's face it, the fears we read of other mamas helps us to realize that we are not alone. Yes, I know I am not, but to see it writing, really does help, if not for a moment! And while my thoughts might not always be coherent, I am no professional writer and I am not out to write a book, I am out to just for me and if I have a few readers along the way, ROCK!

So while I know that this blog may make someone out there judge what I think, say or do, it is all good. It would be the reason why I am doing this and naming myself looney mama..as long as I know I have looney moments, it will make this blog-therapy that much easier.