So it has been a while since I have posted anything to this blog but believe me...I have had enough looney issues in my head. The #1 biggest freak out on my list is my daughter's speech or lack there of. NOW I know that with everything with children they all do things on their own time and you shouldn't compare your child with others, but let's face it...how can you NOT! When 2 year olds and younger children then your own are saying many words and saying them often and yours is trying to tell you something but it does not come out to any intelligible word, you get worried.
Yes you can tell me that my daughter is learning two languages and that is why she isn't saying anything, although lately the research, again that research thing really starting to get to me, is saying that there is no actual delay for two language speakers...you can tell me that so and so didn't speak until they were 3 or 4 BUT THAT DOESN'T MAKE ME ANY LESS WORRIED. Lexie is very smart and I don't doubt her abilities at anything. She understands both me and Dirk when we speak in English and German and she does everything we say (of course with normal 2 year old defiance)But I can tell that she wants to say something to me and sometimes she does but really it is just babble and I can sometimes figure it out when she points. We did the sign for more with her and she does that well and now tries to say more but it comes out as Mom...I know that I am MaMa (with a little accent at the end) so it isn't too bad and she has come up with her own signs for food and drink. She never repeated sounds with us and I ALWAYS mentioned that to the Doctor who never seemed concern. She finally started doing animal sounds around 18 months and even does a sound for a fish...go figure! I brought her to a speech therapist at 18 months who said her progress was more like a 15 month old and is probably saying more words then we can really decide...they are speech therapists I guess they know what they are looking for...a few weeks ago I brought her to a follow up...this time I got a name for her "condition" Expressive language speech delay...basically she understands everything but has issues forming and saying what she wants to say. In the past few weeks I can see that she is trying to say more things and sometimes she uses the same sounds for the the same things so it is getting better BUT the therapist said that while it will work itself out, the frustration level for both of us will get larger before it gets smaller and I am not for that at all.
Early intervention is coming in next week and they will determine if she is more than 30% delayed and then they will take her...if not then I have to go to the speech therapist and pay an arm and a leg I am sure.
While I am on top of things and doing what I can to help things a long, I look at EI as a tutor...if Lexie was doing bad in math I would get a tutor...same thing. While I know some day she will talk to me, just like I Thought she would never turn over, she did and she will talk...it is just so hard not want it and not to worry. You just don't want to see your kid "suffer" in any way. While now it isn't a huge deal, it does make it difficult to know what she wants or what she is thinking. I know that she loved Disney and loved certain aspects...while a friend came home and her daughter can actually tell her she wants to go to Epcot, I have to just wonder...does she remember does she know...It is so hard at this point to hear of other 2 year olds saying cute things and telling mommy what they are thinking and what they know all about...I can't help but wonder is Lexie having those same thoughts. I just want to know what is on my daughter's mind...many will tell me I will rue the day I wished she talked as once she starts she won't stop but I would like to think that I won't think that. It is easy for parents who have speaking children to say that but when you have a tough time knowing what your child wants or don't know what is going on inside their brain...it gets FRUSTRATING...I am sure for her as well...why doesn't mama understand me. It is like being in a different country and wanting to know what everyone is saying...Lexie can understand me but might not understand why mama doesn't understand her and that hurts me...because while is might sound silly, I would hate to think that she is thinking...why doesn't mama listen to me or care...okay sounds silly saying it but they are thoughts that I have.
I just want to be able to know what my peanut is thinking. I know she has so much to tell me and I just want to know. I am hopeful for the EI and hope that we are eligible because it will be good for both of us and I can't wait to see her progression. I know the talking will come just like the rolling over, sitting up, crawling and walking came, it is just hard waiting.
One interesting thing is that I was right in thinking that her not trying new things was connected to her not speaking intelligible words. She may be over sensitive to things, hence not wanting different textures in her mouth and issues with forming the words...EI will help with exercises to get her used to that...maybe once the speech comes, the eating will get better!
Again, I know it might be hard for some mothers to understand but let me put it this way...remember when your 9 month old was babbling away and you were wondering what they were thinking...I am still there with my 2 year old! While she can point and get her point across in other ways then maybe a 9 month old can, it still can get frustrating very easily!
I will keep you posted if EI accepts us.
And one last update, At 10 weeks pregnant, I had a miscarriage and while I am sad about what happened, I know it happened for a reason. I wasn't fully prepared to have two, the pregnancy was an opps and in some way I am relieved that now I can concentrate on Lexie and be able to talk with her before the new baby comes. I want to know how she feels about being a big sister and don't want to have to wait to know!
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Monday, November 15, 2010
After the First Post...
So I have to say that so far so good on this blog-therapy! I think I had like two people read the blog, but that is all good because it isn't really about who reads it but how I feel afterward. Last week after my first post, I felt a lot better. So much so that I remained calm in a situation that I usually get out of control on. So it really did help.
So to a Looney Mama Issue: EATING...I know I know, so many people have the eating issues with their kids. Picky Picky Picky is not even enough of a word to use for my Peanut. She is beyond that, she doesn't even TRY anything new. Anything that looks crazy or different, forget it. She doesn't eat or try any veggies, she gets them from eating her yogurt that has both fruit and veggies in it, which she LOVES, thank god! The only fruit she really does is a banana, however, she will eat (and drink) her yogurt with any fruit at all, but yet trying to explain that an apple is the same taste as the apple yogurt, doesn't work with her yet. Her protein is chicken, chicken chicken and she does, bread, cheese, tortilla with cheese, waffles, nutella and of course any crunchy thing...chips, crackers, pretzels and her number one favorite CHOCOLATE!!! But that is it. And what is so frustrating is she was SUCH a good eater with the baby food. And I thought I was golden...oye was I ever wrong...
As soon as the Peanut started walking, the independence-I-want-to-make-my-own-decisions started and it just gets "better" every day. While I am ecstatic that she does have a mind of her own, it would have helped to have come later in life, but alas...no. I wish I could get her to just TRY some food. The doctor says there is nothing to worry about because from the things she does eat she gets her nutrition and it does make me a little okay...but it still can drive me crazy to the point of MAJOR breakdowns. I feel like bad mommy because I give her the same thing to eat every day.
For a while, I stopped giving her new foods because it just sat on her plate and maybe touched but never tried. They say that you have to give the food like 15 times in a row before they try it. I have now given peas almost every day for a week...one more week to go. She touches them but doesn't try any. I tried forcing, you can only imagine how that goes. I haven't quite tried the "this is the only thing you are getting" and then she gets so hungry that she eats it. I am not sure how mommy is gonna deal with that, as there can be some major breakdowns for the Peanut when she is hungry. I am waiting till she is 2 to even try that.
They say to try sitting and eating with her and give her your food but don't make a big deal about it. Okay, I get it, family time eating. Dinner is a no go because she goes to bed at 730, the husband isn't home till about 630 and by 530 the peanut is ready to eat. So right now eating dinner is a little difficult. It will come, I know that I am gonna have the family dinners and sometimes we won't...I think my family is gonna be okay. Whatever, that is another annoying thing..."the experts" but that is another blog to bitch about...so anyway, even when we are eating and she is around, whether she is eating with us or not, she may have an interest in what we are eating but as soon as I say, "you want to try" it is an immediate turn up of the nose...
I sometimes wonder if I waited too long to enter more table food into her life and maybe I didn't do enough variety but then again, I do remember trying to introduce those things and even get her to try chicken was difficult in the beginning...not sure how I got her to do that...she was maybe still young enough. I always feel so much pressure to make sure that my child has this well rounded diet and I GET the obese child thing but I remember growing up and eating a lot of the same things and not eating others...and I was okay. The biggest thing was I was an athlete, so I stayed active and that was the key...but I am getting ahead of myself...she is only 22 months old...
What also makes the not eating other foods frustrating is when we are out and about and we need to get her lunch. I wish I could go to subway and get her a sandwich or Panera or someplace like it...but it ends up being Mickey D's because chicken is the only thing she will do. I don't want to carry around yogurt because it is uber messy in the car. The child LOVES Nutter Butters but won't eat a PB sandwich...so frustrating...
Everyone says she will out grow it...BUT WHEN...I hate giving her the same thing every day...and I get that she is having control over it, but really don't most kids have control over eating...they have control what they put in their mouth and really do we have much of a say. I will eventually try the, this is what you get, when she can understand a little bit more...I am thinking that reasoning isn't quite there yet...but I will keep trying...and I have bribed with chocolate and she still won't try things....
One time she ate a pea and I freaked out...but it was only one and it was by accident because she was too busy watching TV. And yesterday she ate a green bean because it was a fried green bean but after a few bites she realized it wasn't what she thought and she stopped and wouldn't eat another one. I definitely think she has issues with different textures. But still she won't try ANYTHING...she is stubborn as a mule!!
Right now, I am pretty calm about it each day but it will last for maybe a few weeks and then the cycle starts all over. It is one of my top 2 Looney Mama moments. So I am hoping that by just getting this out might help me get through this. It should be interesting to see how much weight she has gained since her 18 month appointment...then we shall see what will happen!!
In the end I know all kids have their own things that frustrate their mamas, it is just a matter of how we deal...which will bring me to my next post I am sure... THE EXPERTS!!!
Maybe by wishing, she will turn 2 and just decide...okay now is the time to eat.
So to a Looney Mama Issue: EATING...I know I know, so many people have the eating issues with their kids. Picky Picky Picky is not even enough of a word to use for my Peanut. She is beyond that, she doesn't even TRY anything new. Anything that looks crazy or different, forget it. She doesn't eat or try any veggies, she gets them from eating her yogurt that has both fruit and veggies in it, which she LOVES, thank god! The only fruit she really does is a banana, however, she will eat (and drink) her yogurt with any fruit at all, but yet trying to explain that an apple is the same taste as the apple yogurt, doesn't work with her yet. Her protein is chicken, chicken chicken and she does, bread, cheese, tortilla with cheese, waffles, nutella and of course any crunchy thing...chips, crackers, pretzels and her number one favorite CHOCOLATE!!! But that is it. And what is so frustrating is she was SUCH a good eater with the baby food. And I thought I was golden...oye was I ever wrong...
As soon as the Peanut started walking, the independence-I-want-to-make-my-own-decisions started and it just gets "better" every day. While I am ecstatic that she does have a mind of her own, it would have helped to have come later in life, but alas...no. I wish I could get her to just TRY some food. The doctor says there is nothing to worry about because from the things she does eat she gets her nutrition and it does make me a little okay...but it still can drive me crazy to the point of MAJOR breakdowns. I feel like bad mommy because I give her the same thing to eat every day.
For a while, I stopped giving her new foods because it just sat on her plate and maybe touched but never tried. They say that you have to give the food like 15 times in a row before they try it. I have now given peas almost every day for a week...one more week to go. She touches them but doesn't try any. I tried forcing, you can only imagine how that goes. I haven't quite tried the "this is the only thing you are getting" and then she gets so hungry that she eats it. I am not sure how mommy is gonna deal with that, as there can be some major breakdowns for the Peanut when she is hungry. I am waiting till she is 2 to even try that.
They say to try sitting and eating with her and give her your food but don't make a big deal about it. Okay, I get it, family time eating. Dinner is a no go because she goes to bed at 730, the husband isn't home till about 630 and by 530 the peanut is ready to eat. So right now eating dinner is a little difficult. It will come, I know that I am gonna have the family dinners and sometimes we won't...I think my family is gonna be okay. Whatever, that is another annoying thing..."the experts" but that is another blog to bitch about...so anyway, even when we are eating and she is around, whether she is eating with us or not, she may have an interest in what we are eating but as soon as I say, "you want to try" it is an immediate turn up of the nose...
I sometimes wonder if I waited too long to enter more table food into her life and maybe I didn't do enough variety but then again, I do remember trying to introduce those things and even get her to try chicken was difficult in the beginning...not sure how I got her to do that...she was maybe still young enough. I always feel so much pressure to make sure that my child has this well rounded diet and I GET the obese child thing but I remember growing up and eating a lot of the same things and not eating others...and I was okay. The biggest thing was I was an athlete, so I stayed active and that was the key...but I am getting ahead of myself...she is only 22 months old...
What also makes the not eating other foods frustrating is when we are out and about and we need to get her lunch. I wish I could go to subway and get her a sandwich or Panera or someplace like it...but it ends up being Mickey D's because chicken is the only thing she will do. I don't want to carry around yogurt because it is uber messy in the car. The child LOVES Nutter Butters but won't eat a PB sandwich...so frustrating...
Everyone says she will out grow it...BUT WHEN...I hate giving her the same thing every day...and I get that she is having control over it, but really don't most kids have control over eating...they have control what they put in their mouth and really do we have much of a say. I will eventually try the, this is what you get, when she can understand a little bit more...I am thinking that reasoning isn't quite there yet...but I will keep trying...and I have bribed with chocolate and she still won't try things....
One time she ate a pea and I freaked out...but it was only one and it was by accident because she was too busy watching TV. And yesterday she ate a green bean because it was a fried green bean but after a few bites she realized it wasn't what she thought and she stopped and wouldn't eat another one. I definitely think she has issues with different textures. But still she won't try ANYTHING...she is stubborn as a mule!!
Right now, I am pretty calm about it each day but it will last for maybe a few weeks and then the cycle starts all over. It is one of my top 2 Looney Mama moments. So I am hoping that by just getting this out might help me get through this. It should be interesting to see how much weight she has gained since her 18 month appointment...then we shall see what will happen!!
In the end I know all kids have their own things that frustrate their mamas, it is just a matter of how we deal...which will bring me to my next post I am sure... THE EXPERTS!!!
Maybe by wishing, she will turn 2 and just decide...okay now is the time to eat.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Judgey Wudgey was a Bear
So here it goes. My first post here on my blog. I have always wanted to do a blog but I always found myself starting and never really getting anywhere and having nothing to talk about...but really it came down to how much I really wanted people to know about my life. Let's face it, we all judge. Whenever somebody does something that we ourselves wouldn't do, we judge, it is just in our nature. In knowing this, I should just be able to say whatever and move on, but I find it hard to start a blog because I know someone is judging me on the fact that I feel the need to do a blog. I always worry about what someone is going to think. Even people I don't know and have no idea what they are thinking, I just care so much, I don't want them to think ill of me.
For instance, while out and about with my daughter, it drives me crazy when she throws a tantrum. Yes, it happens and most other mamas or dadas are really feeling sorry for you but, you know you have been there some point in your life (mostly before you had kids) where someone's child is throwing a tantrum and the parent just sits there and doesn't do anything and you think...why aren't they doing something...I now know why...sometimes after the umbtenth time the child has thrown a tantrum, you shut down. You give up yelling because all it does is cause more issues. So...while my adorable curly top is throwing a tantrum, I at first just let her start her little tantrum and do and say nothing, but then I realize that there may be someone around watching me and thinking, "what a bad mom why isn't she doing anything," and then I start telling her to stop, which to my stubborn (takes after me)curly top means cry more and then it just gets that much harder to make her stop. See, I cared more about a stranger who knows nothing about me, then just doing what I needed to do to make my daughter learn and stop...and usually no one has to say or even look at me and I am thinking there are people judging me...I know, I know just let it go...easier said then done.
This I have found is the ROOT of all my Looney Mama issues. Caring too much about what other people think, known or unknown. It is something that I have tried to work on myself for a long time to no avail; however, today I had a small epiphany. I realized that maybe a really great (free) therapy might be to let my looney mama thoughts out to the world, see if anyone listens...just put it all out there...maybe this is my way to start to let go of all my insecurities and start to just enjoy and do, instead of worry, worry, worry.
I know there are people who think that blogs are silly and why do you have to let the world know all about you. To some they like to keep it all in and don't like everyone to know their business and I get that, hence why I always start but never continue with these blogs...the fear of telling too much...now don't think you are gonna know every deep dark secret, but there are many thoughts in my head. Especially when it comes to being a mom, and I find myself searching the internet for other mothers with the same issues...hence why I decided to try this out.
I think a lot of my "everyone is judging me" issues come from so many sources and not just media, although they are a prime culprit. Do you ever feel when you watch something on TV about a lifestyle, you can feel as though because you don't live that way, you are wrong. I know we are all meant to live the life we are meant to live but come on, when someone is making it such a big deal that they "don't watch TV" as though they are above it. It can be hard not to feel as though they are looking down on you because you like to watch or DVR your favorite shows. And when they have a TV show (irony) or a segment on the news about how said TV is so bad for you and here are the bad things, I can't help but feel like, "wow I suck." Now TV might not be the best example of what I am trying to get across, but it was the first thing I could think of, and I am no professional writer here, so go with it.
Of course the fear of judging steams from High School too, and with that I quote that awesome show Glee from tonight "all of us are scarred from high school, next to our parents, nothing screws us up more!" How True Shew, How True! We have all been there...even those that did the judging were judged themselves. I know because I am pretty sure I was on the giving and receiving of many a judgement. I don't really need to get into it because I am sure everyone understands what I am saying. And while for the most part I can get over most of those type of judging fears of the HS kind, there is still that little nagging voice in your head that makes you take off the shirt you are wearing because it might make you look a little fat...you know what I am saying ladies!
All my posts, I hope, won't be my craziness mama issues. I hope to share those happy mama moments, we all have them, but let's face it, the fears we read of other mamas helps us to realize that we are not alone. Yes, I know I am not, but to see it writing, really does help, if not for a moment! And while my thoughts might not always be coherent, I am no professional writer and I am not out to write a book, I am out to just for me and if I have a few readers along the way, ROCK!
So while I know that this blog may make someone out there judge what I think, say or do, it is all good. It would be the reason why I am doing this and naming myself looney mama..as long as I know I have looney moments, it will make this blog-therapy that much easier.
For instance, while out and about with my daughter, it drives me crazy when she throws a tantrum. Yes, it happens and most other mamas or dadas are really feeling sorry for you but, you know you have been there some point in your life (mostly before you had kids) where someone's child is throwing a tantrum and the parent just sits there and doesn't do anything and you think...why aren't they doing something...I now know why...sometimes after the umbtenth time the child has thrown a tantrum, you shut down. You give up yelling because all it does is cause more issues. So...while my adorable curly top is throwing a tantrum, I at first just let her start her little tantrum and do and say nothing, but then I realize that there may be someone around watching me and thinking, "what a bad mom why isn't she doing anything," and then I start telling her to stop, which to my stubborn (takes after me)curly top means cry more and then it just gets that much harder to make her stop. See, I cared more about a stranger who knows nothing about me, then just doing what I needed to do to make my daughter learn and stop...and usually no one has to say or even look at me and I am thinking there are people judging me...I know, I know just let it go...easier said then done.
This I have found is the ROOT of all my Looney Mama issues. Caring too much about what other people think, known or unknown. It is something that I have tried to work on myself for a long time to no avail; however, today I had a small epiphany. I realized that maybe a really great (free) therapy might be to let my looney mama thoughts out to the world, see if anyone listens...just put it all out there...maybe this is my way to start to let go of all my insecurities and start to just enjoy and do, instead of worry, worry, worry.
I know there are people who think that blogs are silly and why do you have to let the world know all about you. To some they like to keep it all in and don't like everyone to know their business and I get that, hence why I always start but never continue with these blogs...the fear of telling too much...now don't think you are gonna know every deep dark secret, but there are many thoughts in my head. Especially when it comes to being a mom, and I find myself searching the internet for other mothers with the same issues...hence why I decided to try this out.
I think a lot of my "everyone is judging me" issues come from so many sources and not just media, although they are a prime culprit. Do you ever feel when you watch something on TV about a lifestyle, you can feel as though because you don't live that way, you are wrong. I know we are all meant to live the life we are meant to live but come on, when someone is making it such a big deal that they "don't watch TV" as though they are above it. It can be hard not to feel as though they are looking down on you because you like to watch or DVR your favorite shows. And when they have a TV show (irony) or a segment on the news about how said TV is so bad for you and here are the bad things, I can't help but feel like, "wow I suck." Now TV might not be the best example of what I am trying to get across, but it was the first thing I could think of, and I am no professional writer here, so go with it.
Of course the fear of judging steams from High School too, and with that I quote that awesome show Glee from tonight "all of us are scarred from high school, next to our parents, nothing screws us up more!" How True Shew, How True! We have all been there...even those that did the judging were judged themselves. I know because I am pretty sure I was on the giving and receiving of many a judgement. I don't really need to get into it because I am sure everyone understands what I am saying. And while for the most part I can get over most of those type of judging fears of the HS kind, there is still that little nagging voice in your head that makes you take off the shirt you are wearing because it might make you look a little fat...you know what I am saying ladies!
All my posts, I hope, won't be my craziness mama issues. I hope to share those happy mama moments, we all have them, but let's face it, the fears we read of other mamas helps us to realize that we are not alone. Yes, I know I am not, but to see it writing, really does help, if not for a moment! And while my thoughts might not always be coherent, I am no professional writer and I am not out to write a book, I am out to just for me and if I have a few readers along the way, ROCK!
So while I know that this blog may make someone out there judge what I think, say or do, it is all good. It would be the reason why I am doing this and naming myself looney mama..as long as I know I have looney moments, it will make this blog-therapy that much easier.
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