So it has been a while since I have posted anything to this blog but believe me...I have had enough looney issues in my head. The #1 biggest freak out on my list is my daughter's speech or lack there of. NOW I know that with everything with children they all do things on their own time and you shouldn't compare your child with others, but let's face it...how can you NOT! When 2 year olds and younger children then your own are saying many words and saying them often and yours is trying to tell you something but it does not come out to any intelligible word, you get worried.
Yes you can tell me that my daughter is learning two languages and that is why she isn't saying anything, although lately the research, again that research thing really starting to get to me, is saying that there is no actual delay for two language speakers...you can tell me that so and so didn't speak until they were 3 or 4 BUT THAT DOESN'T MAKE ME ANY LESS WORRIED. Lexie is very smart and I don't doubt her abilities at anything. She understands both me and Dirk when we speak in English and German and she does everything we say (of course with normal 2 year old defiance)But I can tell that she wants to say something to me and sometimes she does but really it is just babble and I can sometimes figure it out when she points. We did the sign for more with her and she does that well and now tries to say more but it comes out as Mom...I know that I am MaMa (with a little accent at the end) so it isn't too bad and she has come up with her own signs for food and drink. She never repeated sounds with us and I ALWAYS mentioned that to the Doctor who never seemed concern. She finally started doing animal sounds around 18 months and even does a sound for a fish...go figure! I brought her to a speech therapist at 18 months who said her progress was more like a 15 month old and is probably saying more words then we can really decide...they are speech therapists I guess they know what they are looking for...a few weeks ago I brought her to a follow up...this time I got a name for her "condition" Expressive language speech delay...basically she understands everything but has issues forming and saying what she wants to say. In the past few weeks I can see that she is trying to say more things and sometimes she uses the same sounds for the the same things so it is getting better BUT the therapist said that while it will work itself out, the frustration level for both of us will get larger before it gets smaller and I am not for that at all.
Early intervention is coming in next week and they will determine if she is more than 30% delayed and then they will take her...if not then I have to go to the speech therapist and pay an arm and a leg I am sure.
While I am on top of things and doing what I can to help things a long, I look at EI as a tutor...if Lexie was doing bad in math I would get a tutor...same thing. While I know some day she will talk to me, just like I Thought she would never turn over, she did and she will talk...it is just so hard not want it and not to worry. You just don't want to see your kid "suffer" in any way. While now it isn't a huge deal, it does make it difficult to know what she wants or what she is thinking. I know that she loved Disney and loved certain aspects...while a friend came home and her daughter can actually tell her she wants to go to Epcot, I have to just wonder...does she remember does she know...It is so hard at this point to hear of other 2 year olds saying cute things and telling mommy what they are thinking and what they know all about...I can't help but wonder is Lexie having those same thoughts. I just want to know what is on my daughter's mind...many will tell me I will rue the day I wished she talked as once she starts she won't stop but I would like to think that I won't think that. It is easy for parents who have speaking children to say that but when you have a tough time knowing what your child wants or don't know what is going on inside their brain...it gets FRUSTRATING...I am sure for her as well...why doesn't mama understand me. It is like being in a different country and wanting to know what everyone is saying...Lexie can understand me but might not understand why mama doesn't understand her and that hurts me...because while is might sound silly, I would hate to think that she is thinking...why doesn't mama listen to me or care...okay sounds silly saying it but they are thoughts that I have.
I just want to be able to know what my peanut is thinking. I know she has so much to tell me and I just want to know. I am hopeful for the EI and hope that we are eligible because it will be good for both of us and I can't wait to see her progression. I know the talking will come just like the rolling over, sitting up, crawling and walking came, it is just hard waiting.
One interesting thing is that I was right in thinking that her not trying new things was connected to her not speaking intelligible words. She may be over sensitive to things, hence not wanting different textures in her mouth and issues with forming the words...EI will help with exercises to get her used to that...maybe once the speech comes, the eating will get better!
Again, I know it might be hard for some mothers to understand but let me put it this way...remember when your 9 month old was babbling away and you were wondering what they were thinking...I am still there with my 2 year old! While she can point and get her point across in other ways then maybe a 9 month old can, it still can get frustrating very easily!
I will keep you posted if EI accepts us.
And one last update, At 10 weeks pregnant, I had a miscarriage and while I am sad about what happened, I know it happened for a reason. I wasn't fully prepared to have two, the pregnancy was an opps and in some way I am relieved that now I can concentrate on Lexie and be able to talk with her before the new baby comes. I want to know how she feels about being a big sister and don't want to have to wait to know!
